A Letter to my Wall

Dear Wall.
We used to have a good relationship. I walk through doors in you, hang posters and art on you, and am sheltered from the elements by you. I am very appreciative of this. However, lately we've had issues, and frankly Wall, its getting hard to deal with.

Here are some examples:

I really don't appreciate it when refuse to hold up things you've held all the time. Its just one or two little post it notes, Wall. They won't make you look fat, or muck up your complexion or anything. They even stick to me, wall, so I know they can stick to you.

I'm also tired of your mood swings, Wall. I know you can't PMS, because, well, you are neither female nor a human. So frankly, there is no excuse. I hope you realize that. There's no reason for you to start dropping things you've been holding up for months. Its annoying that you're being so pissy. Grow up and take some zoloft.

Lastly, Wall, the physical abuse.

I know we've had our share of tiffs in the past, but I never meant it when I accidentally opened a door too quickly or stubbed my toe against you. We both have the scars to prove it. But the last straw, Wall, was when you attacked me.

I was simply lying in bed minding my own business, when I rolled over mid dream and was so rudely awoken by your slamming into my head. I bruised, Wall. On my face. Not Attractive. I'm not happy with you.

I hope we can get over this amongst ourselves, because it would be slightly upsetting (and disturbing) if we had to go to couples counseling; because frankly, Wall, you are an inanimate object and that would be pretty ridiculous.